My Dog's Speeding Ticket

I have been known to have a lead foot every now and then. Although I currently own a truck (how else to tote around all that band gear?!), the previous vehicles I have owned since the moment I had a license included 2 Camaros and a Mustang. (Insert SPS joke here)

On a recent trip up to NY, I was driving through DC on Rt. 295 at a casual pace. I don’t know, let’s say 11-15 miles per hour over the posted limit of 50 mph. About 2 weeks later, I received a nice letter in the mail from the DC Metropolitan Police Department which included 3 photos of my truck. Here is the top half of the letter:


Now from this photo you can clearly see that I am speeding right?! I would feel better if they sent me one of those fancy “moving pictures” that the kids these days call “video” that at least would have proved I was speeding. Not to mention, how can you prove it was me driving? You know what the photo does prove though? That my Rhodesian Ridgeback Cannon was sticking his head out of the back window. Clearly he is the only “person” visible in the truck. Clearly he is the only one responsible. Clearly he was using the cruise control function set above the speed limit while he stuck his head out the back window. You can’t prove nothin’ copper!

So my dog is a borderline felon now. Because I’m a good Dad, I bailed him out of jail and paid the $125 ticket. Though I was bummed to hear THE DAY AFTER I GOT THE TICKET, D.C. lowered all their “automated traffic enforcement” fines. Good timing. It turns out that D.C. had a budget surplus of $139 million dollars, thanks in no small part to the $23 million dollars they made from the traffic cameras. Glad I could help. So the take home lessons here are 1) Never let your dog drive... they are always in a hurry. 2) Know where the speed cameras are! Here are the top 10 locations people get tickets in D.C. if you were wondering.

Drive safe!

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